Bahama Drama

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Bahama Drama

UB Student recalls his first time experience dating States side

UB Student recalls his first time experience dating States side

Aight let me tell ya a lil somethin bout the time I ended up meetin what coulda been the craziest woman I ever crossed paths with down in Coral Gables Florida but lemme keep it 100 with you I gotta stay anonymous with this one you know how it is

So here’s the deal I was just chillin in Florida visitin my auntie for a few weeks right and she stay in one of them fancy neighborhoods in Coral Gables where every house look like somethin straight outta a Hollywood movie ya know big mansions with palm trees leanin just right roads lined with Bentleys Lambos all kinda crazy rich folks just walkin round like they own the whole damn place

One night I was like nah forget stayin in I gotta get out and see what the hype is bout so I put on my best outfit which ain’t sayin much but it’s cool I don’t need no designer brand to shine you feel me So I hit up this bar called The Gables Lounge right Real upscale spot ya know the kinda place where every man got a suit on and every woman lookin like she stepped outta a fashion magazine

I step in there and it’s like I got slapped in the face with the smell of money everybody lookin like they got their own yacht like they just waitin for the paparazzi to show up and take their picture for the next cover of some magazine I never heard of

That’s when I see her the one and only Isabella sittin by herself at the bar holdin a martini like she owns the place long black hair flowin like a damn goddess red dress clingin to her like it was made just for her curves and she just sittin there like she don’t even care about the world

Now look I’m a man who ain’t shy to talk to a woman but I ain’t never felt so outta place in my life this woman lookin like she got more class in her pinky than I got in my whole bein but I walk over anyway tryin to act smooth like I got this

I introduce myself try to keep it cool and to my surprise she actually pay attention to me She tell me she from Argentina been in Miami for years and work as a real estate agent sellin million dollar mansions to rich folks and I’m sittin there like Yeah she’s way outta my league but I’m not about to let this chance slip through my fingers

So we talk for hours she makin me laugh tellin me about her crazy life and she just so damn charming it feel like time stoppin every time she smile I swear she made me feel like I was the only person in that whole bar and that kinda attention Man that was rare By the end of the night she hands me her number and says Call me tomorrow like it’s no big deal and I’m sittin there thinkin Yeah this might be the start of somethin special

Next day I call her she picks up on the third ring we talk for hours again and before I know it she’s askin me to dinner that weekend And I’m thinkin This is it I’m bout to lock this down this one’s gonna be mine

So the night of the date comes right I step out in my best outfit thinkin I’m killin it pull up at this fancy Italian restaurant and she walks in and bruh she look even better than I remember like a damn angel from heaven She sittin there smilin lookin like she’s ready to rule the world and I’m just tryna keep my cool you know We eatin drinkin laughin everythin perfect until she says Let’s head back to mine

Now I’m thinkin Aight this is it I’m about to seal the deal so I follow her back to her place right And let me tell you her house It wasn’t just a house it was a damn palace This thing had a pool that looked like it belonged in a resort a garden so big I thought I was in some kinda botanical garden and a chandelier in the living room so big it probably had its own zip code

We sittin on the couch we talkin we laughin and things start heatin up real quick She leans in and we start kissin and I swear I’m floatin I’m in heaven this is the moment Then outta nowhere she pulls away and says Wait here I got somethin I wanna show you

Now I’m thinkin Alright this is the moment she about to blow my mind with some sexy surprise but she disappears into another room and I’m sittin there all confused like What the hell is goin on

She comes back holdin a photo album and now I’m thinkin Is she about to show me some embarrassing pictures What is this She sits down next to me opens the album and starts flippin through it

These are all my exes she says pointin to picture after picture of different men and I’m sittin there tryna keep it cool but inside I’m like What the hell is this

But I play along right I’m tryin not to look like I’m losin my mind so I say Oh cool nice pictures Then she looks at me dead serious and says They all live here

I freeze Like what do you mean they all live here She laughs and says Don’t worry They ain’t here right now they all outta town But they comin back soon

Now I’m sittin there head spinnin I can’t process what she just said Like is she jokin Is this some kinda weird test Before I can even ask what she mean she leans in close looks me dead in the eyes and whispers But you’re different I think you could be the one

I ain’t know whether to be flattered or scared for my life at that point But I don’t back down I stay cool She stands up says Come on let me show you the rest of the house

I follow her through the house now I’m tryna figure out what kinda mess I got myself into She show me the kitchen the pool then we head down to the basement

Now this basement It wasn’t like any basement I’ve ever seen It was set up like a lounge with a bar pool table big screen TV all that But what threw me off was the walls picture after picture of her exes all framed like trophies It was like a damn hall of fame but for ex boyfriends

My stomach dropped I felt sick like I was bout to throw up right there

So she looks at me all sweet and asks So what do you think And I swear she just smile like she didn’t show me the creepiest thing I ever seen in my life

I don’t know what to say I just nod and say Its nice

She laughs says You funny I like that

We go back upstairs and I’m already plottin my escape But before I can make a move she claps her hands twice and outta nowhere doors start openin all over the house

Next thing I know dudes start comin out like 15 or more white guys all naked and hard as rocks They’re smilin at me like they’re about to welcome me to some kinda freaky club

I’m standin there frozen like What the actual hell is goin on

Then Isabella starts undressin too and I’m thinkin Oh nah she probably does this to all the new guys

The dudes start closin in on me tryna sandwich me but I don’t go that way so I start pushin em off yellin Nah nah nah I’m out

I bolted for the door dodgin hands left and right and I ain’t stop runnin until I was halfway down the block I didn’t even look back

She called my phone for days after that but I never answered To this day I don’t know what kinda cult or freaky club I stumbled into but one thing’s for sure I ain’t never goin back.

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Be more vigilant the next time when you’re picking up roadkill…

UB Student recalls his first time experience dating States side Aight let me tell ya a lil somethin bout the time I ended up meetin what coulda been the craziest woman I ever cros
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